Performance Anxiety - response to Katti's lecture TAMPERE GROUP B

performance anxiety



Katti´s lecture was very interesting in how it drew directly on the format and experience of this telematic induction week to illuminate performance theory.



I would like to problematise this some more. I have seen in myself, my colleagues in Tampere, and my colleagues in Warwick and Amsterdam(gleaned from voyeuristic electronic glitchings and gleanings) evidences of performance anxiety and feelings of inadequecy sparked by I think by the there but not-there format and structure of this week.



With my Tampere classmates, I initially had an electronic represenatation of them (this was so clearly illuminated by Amsterdam in their "identity" video today.) Subsequently, however, we have had a month to walk together, eat together, drink together...we have had a chance to observe a wide array of gestures, facial expressions, tremors of voice, gradations of energy...we are people to each other, and the same goes for how we have been able to get to know our professors.(I know that the experience of Warwick students is different, they have not had this time together yet)



Experience is the keyword here. We have a physical, visceral and live experience of being together - a sustained live performance as it were. In this induction, however, as Guillermo Gomez-Pena points out in his video, all interaction is mediated through the lens. His lens was an especially violent one, so opressive it could only be confronted with the physical force of a gun.



It seems absurd to equate the seemingly tame and blurry MAIPR teleconference camera with the violence of Gomez-Pena´s documenter, but the stress I have observed in myself and my classmates under the scrutiny of that lens speaks to the fact that it is in fact a powerful, dominating presence.



As Nick insightfully commented today in response to Katti's lecture - Gomez-Pena's performance speaks to the liminality of bodies in electronic representation - how they are there and not there. In this same way, the participants in this induction accross three locations are both present and absent. We are not constrained to the familiar and comparitively safe and clearly "absent" realm of written words, where we have time to construct, mediate and even spell-check our contributions to each other. Instead, we are encouraged to formulate opinions and make off-the-cuff presentations to each other, where a form of liveness is communicated - or a representation of our live selves, a gesturing, talking animated being. However, while that animation represents liveness it doesn't actually constitute liveness, and for me that is where performance anxiety comes into play.



All of our contributions are mediated through a tri-continental timetable with lapses in connection. Today we found ourselves shouting and gesturing wildly at the screen as we watched oblivious bodies in Amsterdam and England shuffling off and leaving the room. We were trying to communicate that we weren't ready to break, that we would have liked to respond to yesterday's provocation comments so that we would have fresh minds and clean slates from which to view the next provocations. The liveness of our bodies, the energy of our gestures weren't enough to penetrate the power of the technology seperating us from our colleagues. Also, our contributions are framed by the angle of the camera, the (lack of) sound quality..we are encouraged and in fact set a task to "provoke" each other but don't have the chance to afterwards discuss thoroughly the effect of the provocation, or direct level or penetrating stares in each other's directions to clear up what we mean, or place hands on each other's shoulders to communicate affirmation, or comfort, or whatever.



This on-the-spot quality reflects a beloved exercise of drama teachers: improvisation. As Jon McKenzie commands in the title of his book, "Perform or else!" And perform we will. We will also gather insights about mediated performance and performance theory, as was provoked by Katti's lecture today, and insights about the simultaneously alienating, disempowering and also connecting effects of "globalisation" as Janelle discussed yesterday. We have been happy to glimpse you, colleagues and professors around the world. But we look forward very, very much to meeting in the flesh.

**naming the author(or author anxiety)
This piece was written by Sarah when it was fresh in her mind, but reflects an intense working relationship and many conversations with Nese and other group members, and has been given feedback and consent by her as group partner to be released in our name.